Geraniums in my garden

So, welcome back to another episode of introspection and analysis, brought to you by a slightly neurotic but definitely positive woman who is kinda ok with being forty one and single. There has been so much going on in my life lately, that my blog is where I come to sort out the little threads that look messy and untidy, until I turn them over and see that my higher power is actually making a kind cool abstract needlepoint tapestry thingy. Like, look at this piece of art.  I like to think that my life is in the midst of creating one of the corners of this.  Sure, all the pieces that I'm working on sometimes don't make sense.  It looks messy, it doesn't always make sense to me.  There are things that I think are "the answer", only to find that I can't continue with them. I have to knot that thread off.  Most recently, I had to give up my job, working two days a week in admin, doing a job I loved, with people who I adored. It was a bright, shiny, splash...

It's my 41st birthday and I am like a mythical phoenix rising from the ashes of my 40th year. Jealous of my poetic sentence and my fabulous balloon animal?  Well, in searching for "41 Balloons", I also came across a news story from 2010 of a woman who had swallowed 41 Balloons of heroin.  Hey, I know how to have a good time, but that's taking things a bit far.  I'd rather swallow 41 slices of cake.  Ha! So, today I write to you from a little house in North Shepparton.  I've been separated from my husband for eight months exactly today, I moved out on the 5th of November 2016.  Not gonna lie, this has been the most difficult and challenging year of my entire life.  I have felt so sad that I thought I was never going to keep on living. I've lost my temper spectacularly, I've made mistakes, I've lost a beautiful kitty who I thought would be with me forever. I've had intense fails in the area of internet dating, I've met wonderful people...

It's been five months since I last blogged, on what was going to be my daily mindfulness and gratitude blog. Ha!! The only thing that I seem capable of completing at the moment is a family size cheesecake. Just kidding.  Although the cheesecake was delicious, I have managed to stay sober for a long time, to parent my kids for 10 years, and to keep living even when things seemed truly crap. At the moment, I am recovering from having a tooth pulled. I hate dental stuff. I am slightly phobic.  I had a filling about two weeks ago on a tooth that was already heavily decayed and filled.  The dentist seemed sure that he could save the tooth, I thought it would need to be pulled.  He numbed me up and started on his journey to save that tooth.  As he started pulling out the decay, drilling and scraping, he started seeing that the tooth was almost more decay than tooth.  He started saying "oh dear, this is a lot of decay".  He started saying that they would ...

It's Valentines Day today, and I am separated, and getting divorced in October.  And yet, I am the happiest I have been in many many years.  I know from speaking to my ex that he is happier and calmer, and I have been reflecting back on Valentines Days past and what's changed. What's different now? I'm more confident in myself. I made the massive decision to move out of the family home in November, when I felt that I couldn't hold all the pieces of our family together and keep myself intact.  So, over the past few months I have been putting myself back together, and I am discovering some wonderful things along the way.  I have made mistakes and I have cried, I've been rude and shouty, I've smiled at strangers, I've helped friends. I've been helped.  I've read great books and crappy books and watched TV and played with my kids and grieved my cat and grieved my marriage. I've taken up smoking and quit again.  I've had some incredibly pain...